Sms Messages & Sms Jokes SMSFIRM
TEXT INSULTS Sms Messages
Them:
Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You:
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
Them:I never forget a face
You:
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same
reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know
the meaning of most words
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of
charging buffalo
If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the
pool has water in next time.
Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to
chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that
high.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort
today?
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse
advice...
I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber
college.
Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who
is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!
Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without
ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!
This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!
I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather
look at the moon again..
As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your
mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my
life...
Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur
head!
Do I look like a damn people person?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting
Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat
If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in
Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next
time.
Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.
I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same
reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know
the meaning of most words
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of
charging buffalo
If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the
pool has water in next time.
Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to
chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a
bell-jar.
Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
Are you typing with your forehead, again?
He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
A rose by any other name still has thorns.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the
U-bend of cynicism.
He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten
out all the Braille.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved
away.
He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just
to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has
to read the news upside down.
You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating
around the bush, and dodging the issue.
Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his
face.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to
harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can
look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.
You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a
bell-jar.
Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.
May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!
Are you typing with your forehead, again?
He who laughs last has no sense of humor.
Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
A rose by any other name still has thorns.
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.
Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.
There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the
U-bend of cynicism.
He has no equal. Everyone else is better.
You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.
His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten
out all the Braille.
A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them
When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.
He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved
away.
He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just
to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.
He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has
to read the news upside down.
You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.
We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.
You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating
around the bush, and dodging the issue.
Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.
He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his
face.
People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to
harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can
look out and see what the rest of the world is up to
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?
Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing
exactly alike.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.
He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.
You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.
If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.
Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.
Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than
this.
He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.
Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.